23 de janeiro de 2014

Be the worst you can be: Life's too long for patience & virtue, de Charles Saatchi

Charles Saatchi é, simultaneamente, cofundador da agência de publicidade britânica Saatchi and Saatchi e negociante de arte, proprietário da Saatchi Gallery. Na vida particular, foi casado três vezes, a última das quais com a chef e jornalista Nigella Lawson. Portanto, alguém sem dúvida curioso e com muito para dizer. E é isto este livro: uma série de perguntas a que Saatchi responde com o seu estilo sempre sardónico. Algumas respostas são de nos deixar de boca aberta. Com outras, talvez secretamente, até concordamos.

Há uma nuvem de non-sense sempre por cima das nossas cabeças quando lemos Be the worst you can be, talvez pela conjugação do conteúdo mordaz com a forma: capa preta dura gravada a dourado, páginas com um design que nos faze lembrar um livro de horas.

Eis algumas das suas pérolas:

Do you believe in the ten commandments?
A on overrated lifestyle guide, unsustainable and and largely ineffective, only succeeding in making people confused and guilty.
For example: You shall not covet you neighbour's wife, nor his house, nor his servant, nor his ox, nor his donkey, nor anything that is your neighbour's. This was always obviously a no-hoper of a Commandment. Coveting is all everyone does, all the time,  everyday. It's what drives the world economy, pushes people to make a go of their lives, so that they can afford to the Executive model of their Ford Mondeo to park next to their neighbour's Standard model. And would you want to be married to someone nobody coveted?

Have you ever been on a protest march?
I always hope it pours with freezing rain on a protest march, so the marchers can feel more deeply self-satisfied with their humanitarian credentials.

Will you tell me a secret about art world that will make me feel like an insider?
The Mona Lisa has no eyebrows. It was the fashion in Renaissance Florence to shave them off.

Does money buy happiness?
It's certainly true that when I've seen a man get rich, his next ambition is to get richer.

What's the best career advice you ever gave anyone?
Don't be irreplaceable; if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

What's your favourite joke?
All those who believe on telekinesis, raise my hand.

What was the best piece of advice your father gave you?
Always remember you are unique and just like everyone else.

Do you ever complain to newspaper editors if an article is nasty about you?
Never pick a fight with someone who buys ink by the barrel.

What is the one thing you would never, ever want to do again in your life?
Wet my bed.

How do you feel about women who wear fur?
People are more violently opposed to fur than leather because it's safer to harass rich women than a motorcycle gang.

Do you have a close friend who you would entrust any secret to, and is it a man or a woman?
A friend is someone who will help you move home. A real friend is someone who will help you move a body.

What do you think would create world peace?
Total nuclear annihilation.

When you drop it, toast always seems to land butter side down. Why?
I attach my toast to the cat's back, prior to buttering. Cats always land on their feet, so the bread is therefore certain to land butter side up. But apologies, was yours a rhetorical question?

Are you subject to hypochondriad tendencies - many self-absorbed men are?
I always worry that doctors call what they do «practice».

What is the odddest habit you will admit to?
When driving and looking for an address, I turn down the volume on the radio.

What kind of person spends £2 on a fancy bottle of mineral water?
Try spelling Evian backwards.

Have you ever consulted a psychic, fortune teller, tarot reader, medium or clairvoyant of any sort?
Why do we never see the headline «Psychic wins £100 Million Lottery»?

Are you a good multitasker?
I have tried but multitasking for me means screwing up several things at once. I can, however, read on the lavatory.

Have you lost money by entrusting it to hedge funds?
No. I think it's a good clue that someone who invests your money is called a broker.

5 comentários:

Ana A. disse...

Já me ri com umas quantas respostas!

Livros e outras manias disse...

Isto está à venda por cá? Ou mandamos a Amazon entregar por drone? :)

Vespinha disse...

Na Amazon encontras de certeza. :) Eu comprei em Londres, valeu bem a pena!

Seve disse...

Ó Vespinha, não desiludas, escreve lá em Português, não sejas "cagona".

Vespinha disse...

É preciso traduzir? :)